When It Rains, It Rains

When I woke up this morning, it was a beautiful, clear day.

Because I know my city, though, I packed an umbrella. 

And lucky I did, because the rest of the day poured, and it was beautiful and cold and sideways, just as I remember it. 

Started off the morning with coffee. 

Starbucks with my smallgroup leaders, Heather&Johnny and Heather's sister Lorna. 

Good conversation, a good catchup, and they gave me the sweetest ornament. :) 

Then it was time to begin the day's graduation activities. 

First came the pre-reception, where we snacked on mince meat pies (not actual meat. It's actually a very confusing taste bud experience, like when you drink sprite expecting water. Except here it's cinnamon-y fruit instead of meat) and cute little cups of wine. 

We sipped, supped, and met one another's families (more on that later). Mostly we all stood around trying to pin on our hoods. It was as confusing as the mincemeat. Is it meant to fold on the sides? how high? Matched with the open-front capes, there was just a whole, weird choking experience. But finally, we were mostly pinned and ready to head out. 

We found our seating assignment in the beautiful Sir William Whitla Hall (also was the location of my very first international student orientation meeting and introduction to Queen's) and parked it, an organist playing very dignified tunes while I, in my very American way, took pictures. 

Then, the ceremony began. 

It started with a video of the decorated faculty walking from the main hall into the Whitla hall...in the pouring rain...totally unphased. 

The British take pomp and circumstance to a whole new level, as speeches and bowing and capes and furred capes passed by me, waiting not patiently at all in my chair. 

Then, we were up! 

And they almost said my name right! It was a big step for them. Jehmee forever. The "Ruth" was dead on, though. 

Following the ceremony was the post-ceremony reception. They do not mess around with their receptions, I tell ya. Tea and sweets for all. Yummmmmmm. 

Everyone clustering to take pictures with their families. So.....I stole some old people. 

and I took a selfie with Eamonn: 

And a group shot that made its way into the Irish News: 

And one that didn't make it in. I love how delighted Eamonn looks: 

Some with Sonya (my Easter break travelling buddy): 

And lots with the beffer: 

Amy also made sure I was well looked-after and adopted. I spent the evening with her family--both at their home and to the delicious Barking Dog Eatery--before heading home around 11. 

It's the end of my Belfast chapter on Queen's, but we're not nearly halfway through with the book. 

There are years and pages to come, I'm sure. 

My Jet Lag a Leettle

Confession: I may or may not go to sleep at 8:30ish back home. Sometimes later. But 8:30 is preferable.

So, when I went to bed at 2:30am here, my body thought it was very normal.

I felt an alarm wasn't necessary to get em up and at em for my 11:30am coffee with some mates.
However, when Matt woke me up at 1pm to make sure I was still going to the movie, I was obviously proved wrong. Yikes. Won't be doing that again.

Made it only a half hour late to our film at the Queen's Film Theatre (second to last item on my Belfast Bucket List).

"Good Vibrations" only cost us 13p each, which was awesome, and the film was so so good.
A punk rock "godfather" from Belfast during the Troubles era. AND the screenplay was written by one of my favorite NI authors, Glenn Patterson, who wrote Number 5. Love him,

Then Boojum and books with Matt (and a tour of the library) then a very long, very wet wait for the bus (the visit wouldn't be the same without it).

Belfast: Where Umbrellas go to die

Lauren greeted me at Lakeside and whisked me away to pick up Kiera and have a girls' night.
The Christmas market for yummy dutch pancakes and nutella then off we went to dinner.
Then, to finish up my BBL, we went and saw the Big Fish (also the title of one of my favorite movies, I will add).

The frozen rain tried to immobilize us, and we may have gotten a wee bit lost on the way, but we found it! And danced and laughed and howled into the night before heading home and chatting till midnight.

a glowing "doll on the ball", the much mocked symbol of peace, placed between the two once very divided parts of the city

the beffers

umbrella: conquered 

We've also decided to make a covenant to see each other once at least once a decade.

Another good, long, wet day had. :) I love loving here.

The Crew Cut

To think that in December, I creepily took their pictures during class without their knowledge to post here (please please judge me. I truly was that pathetic and friendless. ha) and now I go on day dates with them.

These here are my fellow members of the Irish Writing Masters program at Queen's University, Belfast: Amy, Amy, Emma, and Jo.

They are ridiculous and crazy and Irish, and I absolutely love them.

Yesterday, we met up for "lunch."

I went home 10 hours later.

We met up at at the front gates to walk over to Madison's together for some food.
Next took us on a walk of picture taking, followed by dropping Jo off at the bus station, a journey through the botanical gardens until it started raining.
Then to the postgrad centre where we collapsed on bean bags and played, "Pass the Bomb."

Pass the Bomb, to me at least, felt juuuuuust a wee bit...ironic? too soon? offensive?

Either way, you played by passing this bomb around and, using prompt cards with word pieces on them, throwing out any word you could think of with those word parts until the bomb "blew".

For instance, if the card said, "duc", you could say: deduce, seduce, reduce, induce. Get it?

For a load of English majors, we were not super good.

But it was very fun.

From there, we went on to go to the cinema together (student night!), stopping off first in Tesco for food to illegally sneak into our bags.

We laughed a lot. Which isn't surprising considering we often laugh together. And separately.

Amy took Emma and me home from there after the walk from the cinema to Queen's.

Much like this year, it was a very long day that felt very short.
I'm going to miss them terribly.

Preconception's Pretty Wrong

Aside from my day of editing scheduled for tomorrow (I say "scheduled" but really I mean that's the only day left available to me), I am done with my papers.

Yes, as of two minutes ago, my final paper (an extended and annotated bibliography) was completed.

When I originally started it, I thought that that particular paper would be the easiest of the three to complete. However, I quickly learned that just absolutely was not the case.

It seemed to me the more I researched, the shorter my paper became. At one point 1,000 words, then down to 600, then up to 800, then down to 400 before it steadily began to climb back up.

It was a process of refinement, and a necessary one at that, as most processes of refinement are.

I had in my mind this grandiose concept of what I wanted my dissertation to be and how I wanted to get there. Then, when I started working out the details with Eamonn, it started to look less plausible than I had imagined, especially within my 15,000 word limit.

When the actual research part came around, then, I discovered that only so much was available to me in the area I had chosen to pursue. That's kind of normal for me, as my papers are usually a bit on the "eccentric" side, but you have to have something to work with.

What I've finally structured my dissertation around and outfitted with appropriate research bears resemblance to my original idea but it is also a new creation altogether.

The outline, the subjects, and the primary texts have all changed but one.

However, what I've ended up with is better than what I'd originally mapped out for myself.

And, thanks to the intensity of the research I've had to do, my actual dissertation writing shouldn't be that hefty at all. In fact, I'm not certain that I'll have to do any further research at all, aside from completing a couple books I've started on the matter.

I thought this class was a joke and an annoyance.
I thought this project would be a breeze.

I was wrong on both counts, but I'm also very glad I was. My next step doesn't seem so scary now.

One Step Closer

I like word searches.
I don't know why; there's no particular skill set needed to complete them (aside from basic literacy..but not really even that), but I find I have a knack for the thing.

Well, writing research papers, for me, is just like a really long (way more literate, hopefully) word search.
The word search is even in it.

Now, you've endured reading my complaints about that all-inclusive poetic list of every.single.notation of weather-related terms in Derek Mahon's poetry and also my long and instructive post about my theories about the most effective way to write a research paper.

Today, I actually completed one.
(and everybody said "AMEN!")

5 days, 1,000 words per day, and here we are, folks. Alive and well.

And, thank goodness, it turned out that that personal file of meteorological facts came so so much in handy.

I'm a little neurotic about writing papers.
And everything.

There has to be a method to it.
It doesn't have to be my method, but it has to be a method.
Preferably a my method...

It may be an ISTJ thing. 

a. I make a Quotes Page
b. (particular to this paper) I had my weather notes
c. "The Draft"
d. a clean, unsaved, new document which acts as the "under construction" page.
e. Later, there is a "final" page.

Nothing is to be written on the actual drafts page. I try sometimes. Then my mind just gets cluttered and overwhelmed with how much crap is going on.

Section at a time.

I write a section, pulling all the quotes I think I may want from my quotes page, as well as their citations, and write my paragraph(s). When that's done, I take both the paragraphs and the citation and insert it into the draft. Only there is it formatted.

Delete draft page.

Make new draft page (important for some weird reason).
Piece by piece, I work my word search.

By the end, I have a beautifully color-coded Works Cited page, a single-spaced (double is overwhelming) draft, and my name at the top.

Wait a week (so I can catch errors more easily).

Copy and paste all of that into a new document, put it in a weird font (so I can catch errors more easily), read it aloud to somebody (so I can catch errors more easily), edit the heck out of it, making sure everything is correctly punctuated and referenced, change my Works Cited page to black, change all of it to double spacing, and SAVE.

Submit.

I'm currently in the waiting phase, but my 5,000 words are carved and crafted and waiting to be cleaned.
This is such a good feeling.

One more 3,000 word paper.
One 3,000 word bibliography (which weirdly and wonderfully counts as a paper).

Then I get to fly home.

Hallelujah!!!

Recipe for Success

"It gladdens my heart when I see you walk in with a plastic box."-Professor Fran Brearton

I love to bake. There. I said it.

Cooking and baking has always been an interest of mine, but here, when I've got a giant kitchen and a need for creative expression, baking has become quite a focus for me.

I bake every Sunday for class on Monday, then either bring the extra to class on Thursday or make something new. Funny fact, Americans are actually known for being bakers. Honestly, the first time I brought cookies to poetry class, the same Fran said, "What is it with Americans and baking?"

I didn't even know that was, like, a thing, like a defining feature of us. But I confirmed it with Naomi. Americans bake. A'ight. I can be your token American baker. Works for me.

Here are some of my recipes (and recipe edits) from the past couple weeks. They're super delicious and interesting, or at least my British counterparts think so. :)

 Orange Zest Cake 
    Whatcha need:
                 -5 oz butter
                 -5 oz white sugar
                 -2 beaten eggs
                 -7 oz flour
                 -2 Tablespoons milk
                 -1 Teaspoon orange essence (I used lemon essence, for lack of an option, and it was great)
                 -zest and juice of 1 orange (any thickness of grating will do, but I would suggest using one of the more fine options. I used a large one and found myself chewing straight zest at some points. Mm. ish.)
                 -3 Tablespoons icing sugar (this means powdered sugar. I didn't know what the heck it meant and used granulated. Worked just as well and gave the crust a little crunch).

Preheat over to 350F.

Combine ingredients at all, leaving aside the juice and the powdered sugar.

"Flour" and grease a baking pan. Personally, if any flavour is gonna get stuck on my food, I want it to be sweet, so I usually grease and powder sugar a pan. Your choice.

Bake for 40 minutes or until you can pull a toothpick out without it getting covered in gunk.

Whisk together your sugar and juice, poke holes all up in your bread, pour the mix over it.
You can either be done here, or stick it back in the oven for a few minutes.

This bread is sticky and juicy and delicious. I suggest eating it with a wee slab of dark chocolate on the side or a cup of hot chocolate. It's works as a great wake-up.

Alterations: 

   1. I don't sift flour. Can't figure out why I would. 

   2. I like to roll the lavender in my hands first, crushing the pods. It stretches it out, releases even more of that beautiful scent, and makes your hands smell awesome. 

   3. Didn't have wax paper and, knowing my struggles to do normal, basic things, the cutting nice, clean cookies wouldn't have worked anyway. I suggest chilling the dough for a bit, then just spooning it out normal onto a cookie sheet. 

At first, I couldn't tell if I liked these cookies because I didn't like eating the dough (I love cookie dough WAY more than the actual cookies. It's part of why I like baking alone. Nobody gets mad at me for snitching the batter), but baked, oh my gosh, they are beautiful. 

Fresh out of the oven is best (as par usual) because they're a little crunchy on the top, but the inside is soft and hot, they release this steamy, calming, lavender aroma/flavour. It's a really soothing little cookie. You will eat 10. 

Coconut Lime Cookies

 Need:
 -2 and 1/4 cups flour
 -1/2 tsp baking soda
 -1 tsp baking powder
 -1 cup shredded coconut (that's desiccated coconut for you UK folks)
 -1/2 tsp salt
 -1 cup sugar
 -3 oz cream cheese, cut up into little pieces (UK: "soft cheese")
 -Zest of one key lime (I had no key lime. Used a little extra lime juice)
 -1/2 cup butter, melted and still warm (not hot, otherwise you'll cook the egg when you add it)
 -1 large egg, room temp (here in NI, you don't refrigerate your eggs. Who knew??)
 -1 TBSP whole milk (I used coconut milk for the flavour. Use whatever milk you have near you)
 -1 TBSP key lime juice
 -1/2 cup of powder sugar for rolling cookies (couldn't even find that for weeks here. Frosting sugar, it's called. Needless to say, I didn't use it. Tried rolling in granulated. Truly not an important step. Go for it, though! I'm sure it's delicious that way).

The key to this recipe is texture, that's why everything is room temp, cut up, or melted. The goal is to avoid using a mixer. Stick with your spatula, folding everything in.

There's technically an "order" to add it all in, but really, I am unconvinced that there is any true reason behind that. Eventually, everything ends up in the bowl. So, as long as all the ingredients are remembered, toss 'em in there in whatever order you feel led.

Bake these little suckers for 11ish minutes at 350F. They won't get super brown anywhere and they've got amazing volume and texture, so just trust the time on the first go-round, taking them out and letting them cool before passing judgment on how long the next batch should bake for.

Personally, I was unconvinced of the limeyness (perhaps due to my lack of zest), but I spritzed my cookies with more lime juice and let them soak in it for a wee bit. I don't think you can really go wrong. It's just flavour preference.                               

Almond cups (recipe below) on left; coconut lime cookies (recipe above) on right

Baked Coconut Almond Oatmeal Cups
 Ingredients:
-2 TBSP butter, melted but not searing hot
-1 egg (thus the cool-down on the butter)
-2 cups skim milk (you can drink whole milk if you want to)
-1/2 tsp. coconut extract (what. I can't find powdered sugar here. Ain't no way I am gonna locate coconut extract. Used Coconut oil and substituted a bit of the milk for coconut milk)
-1/2 tsp salt
-1 tsp baking powder
-2 cups rolled oats (think Quaker)
-1 cup shredded coconut
-1/4 cup sliced almonds (and a healthy dose for the tops of the muffins)

Combine and dump into muffin cups, filling them half full. I found an ice cream scoop works well, if you're looking for a clean way to do this.

Use those extra almonds to top off the cups.

Now, this recipe is super healthy. I find health a bit averting, so I sprinkled brown sugar atop all of these. Gave them just the right amount of sugar to take the edge off the fiber. If you've already manipulated your tastebuds into believing that coconut oil is sweet enough for you!, then I'm sure you'll like the recipe as is. Enjoy.

Bake at 350F for 20ish minutes.

 keep this recipe exactly as it is, keeping in mind my law of rubbing the lavender before adding it in. Other than that, all kinds of sweet goodness will happen in your mouth with these. They are TO DIE for. Lavender cupcakes, who wouldda thought?

Now, they are super lavender-y, so if you just want a whiff of them, add in less. But they're so good, oh man.

Fresh from the oven, they've got a great crunchy top of sugary, lavendery goodness.

A note on the frosting. I think I have a complex with frosting. No matter what I do, I cannot make pretty frosting. All my frosting is YUM, but it's also liquid. So for me, I put a little less batter in my fairy cake cups, so that I've got a half to a four of inch of play room post-bake to pour my frosting into rather than let it drip all down the sides and create a sticky mess.

If you're like me, this may be the best course of action for you as well.

Cupcakes are best eaten that night or next day.

Berry Banananut Oatmeal Bars

Okay, these are max healthy, but also absolutely scrumptious. You can eat 10 squares and not feel guilty. I mean, you can feel guilty, but you would have no grounds to be so.

Ingredients:
(Order does matter this time)
-2 cups rolled oats
-1/3 c packed brown sugar (light or dark)
-1 tsp baking powder
-1 tsp cinnamon
-1/2 tsp salt
-1 c. of your favourite nuts. Recipe calls for walnuts, but I used almond slices
-1 c berries (any berries. and no need to be fresh. I used a frozen bag of mixed)
-1/2 c. milk chocolate chips (semi-sweet or dark are also completely acceptable)
-2 cups milk
-1 egg
-3 TBSP melted butter
-1 TBSP vanilla extract (yes, you read that right. a whole tablespoon. I ran out and halved it with almond extract. Totally acceptable).
-1 ripe banana (somewhere between green and black will work) cut into slices (sans peel)

Oven at 375F.
Grease that 9x13 pan.
BOWL NUMERO UNO: Mix oats, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, salt, HALF the nuts, HALF the berries, and HALF the chocolate.
BOWL NUMERO DOS: milk, egg, butter, and vanilla (the hot butter may cook a bit of the egg. Temper this by whisking as you add the butter, but if it does cook it just a bit, it's going to be okay. Everything will cook in the oven.)

Put bowl 1 into the baking dish.
Add the second halves of the nuts, berries, and chocolate to the top, as well as the banana slices.
Pour all of bowl 2 over everything until all mixture is saturated. Shake it a little bit to make sure all the oats are soaked.

Personally, I like a little more uhmff to my mix, so I threw in some more almonds and sprinkled coconut on top like magic bars (which are also super yum).

Really, this recipe is flexible and forgiving, so you can really add in any breakfasty ingredient you have lying around that sounds good to you.

Bake your bars for 35 or so minutes until brown on top and milk has set.
Sprinkle the top lightly with brown sugar.

*Alterations/Notes*

-Don't bother with that parchment paper/silicone crap. As my Irish friend Emma would say, that's notions. Just grab you a regular joe cookie sheet. You're fine. 

-These cookies don't spread much, so make them as big or small as you want and space them as closely together as you darn well choose without them touching. I did about an inch, but you could probably stand to do a half inch. No need to flatten. Just glob it on there. But follow your heart. :) 

-The lemon zest you'll use (which is essentially the zest of one large lemon) will leave you with a naked lemon to squeeze for the glaze.  Juice it all out, but then use a sharp wee knife to get out any of the excess pearls of lemon juice. This will both stretch it (so ya only need one lemon) and give your glaze a nice texture. 

-The glaze is super good. After I dipped mine, I put all my finished cookies out on the baking sheet, squeezing them close together, and poured the remainder of the glaze on top, letting my cookies soak in all the lemony goodness. 

Naomi, Craig and I went out on Saturday and, after lunch, BBQd the cookies. The sugar got all caramelized. Such a good idea. 

Choco-Banana Bread or The Unbakeable Bread 
You'll start to notice a common ingredient here. Bananas are inexpensive and versatile. I eat a lot of them.

This is the first recipe so far that's given me any trouble. The end result was quite good, but honestly, I thought it would never be done baking.

Go ahead and ignore that baby banana part. Use normal bananas. The best type to use for banana bread is the forgotten kind. You know what I mean. You bought a bundle of them a week ago, put them in the fridge drawer, and never remembered to look for them. Now they've spots and have started to blacken. NOW IS YOUR MOMENT.

Everything else is the same. If you don't have chocolate chips (like the UK...), break up a chocolate bar into chunks or grate a chocolate bar (it may change the color of your bread pretty dynamically, though).

You will need your beaters for only one step: the butter.

Other than that, fold. Fold with the spatula, much like the coconut lime recipe.

Save the honey, yogurt, and chocolate chips for last and merely swirl them in.

Now, bake.

If your bread was like mine, it will look done on the outside and stay gooey on the inside. Forever. No matter how dang long you bake it.

It also won't burn (in my humble experience), but it won't bake either.

I came to the conclusion that that's how this bread is supposed to be.

So, stick your toothpick in, look for a brown top, and take it out.

You can either let it cool, or you can spoon out some of your extra yaogurt atop it like ice cream and eat it hot and gooey. Even today, I came home for a wee snack and broke up a sticky slice (even cooled, it's still a weird consistency. Good....just weird) into my yaogurt with a drizzle of honey. Healthy and satisfying, even for a chocoholic healthaphob.

Dining (and binge-ing) for One 

 Peanut Butter Nutellanana Sandwich 

 Okay, so it's not an official recipe, but it's what I've been eating a lot of and it's delicious.

Getchu two pieces of bread, some peanut butter, a slathering of nutella, and a banana cut in half, then longwise in fourths (much cleaner to eat than sliced across). George Foreman that sucker.

No George Foreman? Toast the bread first.

Add milk.

And love.

Trenchnanas

Right, so this is "litrally" the easiest snack to prepare, and it will wow. 

The only ingredient you really need is a banana. Everything else is up to you. 

You get yourself a banana, cut a panel into it along its curve, but only 3 sides, making it into a flap. 

Then, using a spoon or knife, dig a trench into your banana. 

The rest is up to you. 

In my trenchnanas, I like to do a spread of peanut butter and nutella both, then add in things like marshmallows, m&ms (if I have them), chocolate chips (if I have them), coconut, maybe a bit of instacoffee (not my best choice), Crunchie Bar. Anything. Stuff it, but don't fill it so much that your flap won't lie down well. 

Then, move your banana to one of three places: 

1. The oven. Use a small bread pan or prop it up with something and let it bake until melty. 

2. The George Foreman (are you beginning to catch a theme in my self-cooking?)

3. Wrap banana in foil and put over a fire or grill. Until melty. 

Peel back flap and spoon out. 

Best with glass of milk. :) 

Also, it's a cheap and fun group snack. Just sayin'. 

Chicken Quesadillas 

I make super quesadillas, and they take all of 5 minutes to prep and cook.

-tortilla

-cooked chicken thigh (I George Foreman all my chicken thighs at the start of the week, then chill them and take as I go)

-cream cheese

-OREGANO, rosemary, thyme. Or something like Italian Seasoning

-Cheese. I like to use whatever white cheddar is cheap. Mine comes in block form. Yours may come grated.

-Salsa. (Here's hoping your salsa options are better than mine..)

Take your tortilla and spread the cream cheese across one half of it.

Sprinkle your chosen herbs over it.

Rip apart your thigh to pieces and spread evenly over cream cheese.

Either sprinkle your grated cheese or cut up/grate your block cheese and slip into empty spaces left by chicken.

Douse in salsa.

George Foreman.

If no George Foreman, go get a George Foreman.

Until that time, a flip or two over the stove should do it.

It's the perfect "forever alone" meal. Or, if you struggle in the kitchen, a way to seem impressive and make something your friends will absolutely love without actually having to do anything that impressive.

Cake in a Cup 

While on our monthly skype date together, Anna wanted a snack. So, I talked her through the recipe of one I discovered about a week ago and loved. I don't know if she loved it as much as I did, but her lava'd out of the cup and mine had honeycomb. HELLO. 

You will need: 

-a beaten egg

-4 Tablespoons white sugar

-4 Tablespoons flour

-3 Tablespoons unsweet cocoa powder

-1/4 teaspoon baking powder

-1/4 teaspoon salt

-3 Tablespoons milk

-1 Tablespoon vegetable oil 

-Vanilla (option or obsession) 

For minimal dishes, put the egg in the cup first, beat it, and then add in all the other ingredients. The recipe has a particular order, but let's be honest. It doesn't matter as long as it's batter by the end. 

I also added a broken-up Crunchie bar (a UK chocolate honeycomb candy that is so delicious), but you could add in your favorite candy, chocolate chips, coconut, graham cracker, etc. 

For cake on the gooey side, microwave for 1.5 minutes. At that point, take it out, check it for preference, then either be satisfied or nuke it for a bit more time. Then, add a glass of milk or some ice cream and you are set. 

Contextual Beverages 

Nutella Hot Chocolate 

A delicious alone-time beverage, nutella hot chocolate is super easy and oober yum. 

      -A cup of milk

      -a big ole spoonful of nutella

      -a half teaspoon of vanilla or almond extract 

Heat milk on stove or, like me, in the microwave where it belongs, stick your nutella-laden spoon down in the boiled milk after, swirl about. 

Add marshmallows or whipped cream as the spirit leads you. 

If you want to make your own topping, I hear this one is good: 

    1. 1/2 cup heavy cream, 1/4 cup powdered sugar, 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon, 1/4 teaspoon vanilla. 

    2. Whip till fluffed. 

Hot Tottie
There are healing powers in this beverage. Take courage, ye sore-throated!

Potion:
-A half shot of whiskey (I use Bushmills just because I like to support my adopted country).
-1 TBSP honey (any kind will do, but if you're dealing with allergies, it's BEST to use a locally harvested honey. It will literally help you gain immunity against your allergens or airborne illnesses. What.)
-1 TBSP lemon juice (I like to use fresh and zest a bit of lemon into my cup after)
-1 Cup hot water (heat before adding, not after. After will mess with the alcohol).
-Cinnamon and cloves, to taste.

The alcohol numbs, the honey has antibacterial qualities that heal, the lemon has immune system boosters. 

(alternatively, if you don't have booze but you do have jello powder, toss some of that but for sure not the whole package into a cup with honey and hot water and drink it up. The gelatin coats and numbs, the honey heals)

That's all for now. I've been baking up a storm (and even doing my dishes after!). 

Wife points, life points. 

However you put it, tastebuds have been tested, and my friends are pro-my food. 

Let Us Now Forget One Another

I'm working on it, I am.

This whole, making friends outside the house thing.

It's a struggle for me, not like that's any surprise. There's a desire for connection and relationship, but that seems to be equally matched by intense resistance to "putting myself out there."

This past Monday, though, was a moderate step forward for me. About a week ago, I made nice with a classmate (one  of the five in my program) in the Special Collections room (the same day I got in trouble for sprawling on floor). That conversation was followed by middleschoolish note passing during class, orange eating under the table (also during class), and an invite to join the weekly group ritual of pre-class lunch (didn't even know they had been doing that).

Therefore, half assuming that they weren't going to actually show up, I arrived at Monday lunch. And you know what? They did.

Each of we five brought a contribution to the meal (mine was orange bread. Yum!). And we chatted and got on. It was actually very fun, and it made class dynamic feel like, well, like it actually had a dynamic.

The social doesn't end there. After poetry class (and my presentation which went quite well I will add), lunch, and modern Ireland class, two of my church friends lifted me from Queen's for dinner.

Over dinner, we caught up on everything we'd missed while I was away in The States over delicious food at Benedict's. A note on them: they've got this stellar deal for dinner where the time you order is the price you pay. So a £12 meal could potentially be gotten for a mere £5.30.

Afterward, we FINALLY got to go to Bible study. The whole group--by nature of it being the Newcomers Lifegroup--had changed over, so there were lots of new names to learn.

After a full 13 hours away from the house, I came home to my Kanukukers.

Things with them are still going well, but I'm beginning to feel the start of separations and, while still enjoying them in spurts, pulling away bit by bit so as to lessen the social "cold turkey" that'll happen in a mere 7 days when they leave.

I never intended to like them or to get attached to them. I can't express how wonderful it's been to have them here as a transition resource, though. They could never understand just where I was and just how much of a blessing their just liking me has been.

With their leaving, the old fear of forgettableness is coming back up.
They will leave.
I will stay.
They will continue to build relationships with one another and live in community.
I will not.
The journeys divide.

I've had thoughts on that particular note of fear over the course of the past few months, and if I'm sincere in them, then this will be okay.

I've always worked so hard to make myself unforgettable, so that people don't want to let me go. But life isn't about me.

All of creation is oriented around the glorification of Jesus Christ.

I'm not meant to be remembered. The pieces of my own fabricated persona are probably pretty revolting in the eyes of God and not worth being remembered.

So if I'm to be remembered by anyone at all, I would hope that they would forget everything about me save that which is of my God.

Troubles You Can't Unsee (Movie Style)

This week, I've been given a reprieve from reading, especially nice considering I had to read three novels for class on Monday and I'm enjoying being around people too much to actually want to do my homework.

(What? You, Jamie? Valuing human beings over homework? Who have you become?)

Yes. It's true. My world has gone quite mad in the past couple weeks. I'm welcoming it along.

If you've been following along with my unending reading list but never had any intention of actually reading what I'm reading, maybe then you'll be interested in the movie list that I've endured (yes, endured) for my next class.

*Odd Man Out (1947)(Available on YouTube): Love story, mob story, escape story, tragedy. Predating The Troubles but postdating Irish conflict (does anything really predate Irish conflict? I mean other than the Jews, they take the scone for struggling people groups).
*Nothing Personal (1995): The "other side" of the story. The Troubles mob heads friends? Childhood mates torn apart by religion and faced with betrayal via murder? Confusion as to what is true and what is not. Unchilding.
*Hunger (2008): Not for the faint of heart. I had to watch this one in two parts, actually. Wept. It does a really powerful job of showing both sides. Not the Catholics and Protestants but the political prisoners (both C and P) against "the man." A determinedly quiet movie, but even more moving because of that. No clatter to distract from fully absorbing just what Hell is happening.
*Five Minutes of Heaven (2009): Not to be confused with 7 Minutes of Heaven. Story of violent juxtaposition of reconciliation and the desire to heal violence with more violence.
*A Belfast Story (2013): Can't yet comment. Haven't watched it yet.

Something you'll notice in both Irish (not solely Northern Irish) literature and film and art is the prevalence of women named Cathleen or Cathleen Ni Houlihan. She is representative of Ireland. Her treatment and person (take note of who is persecuting, to whom she shows kindness, what she is wearing, and her age) demonstrate the speaker's view of Ireland.
There are two Cathleens spread between those five (maybe three Cathleens. Haven't seen that fifth one yet) movies.

Can't tell you about either of them or I'll ruin the endings. Meet 'em yourselves.

It's funny. War movies (yes, The Troubles was a period of wretched civil war) don't usually mess with me all that much. I mean, I'm kind of a wimp (but is wimp really the right term there? Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I have a healthy, nonsociopathic response) when it comes to physically harming others, but my water works stay pretty well turned-off. I'm not playing with you. I found myself writhing in horror at some of the stuff those movies presented for my full visceral reaction.

Maybe it's the fact that I live here in Belfast. I know those streets, been on them even, go to Bible study in an East Belfast neighborhood identical to those involved.  I've read more than my fair share of Belfast literature, thinking, and politics. I've heard these people's stories and hearts. I know this city. I love this city.

And some of the stuff of The Troubles are still going on here.

So when I watch movies about it, really raw, cram-some-dirt-in-that-capped-knee movies, they get me.
It's not popcultural trash. Not fictional. Not some kind of entertainment conjured up for your sick pleasure. This was--and is--life.

Hold Up, Wait a Minute; Put a Little Love in It

Missed last evening's post because I was pleasantly detailed by excellent banter. I'm sure you understand.

Well, I see fit to fill you in on the true highlights of the past three days. 

Friday and Saturday, I reached the end. Not like I was on suicide watch or anything (I hope), and I'm not entirely certain what I even mean consequence wise. The best way I can explain is there wasn't a single area of figurative skin left that wasn't bruised to the bone. 

And then, things changed. 

My first stop was the French Village where my friend Lynsey works. 

Lucky for me, the place was about empty. She took one look at me, assessed my emotional state, hugged me, and gave me a cupcake. And I said my friends here don't get me...

Next stop was home. Elaine had some missionary friends over. I had been pretty heavily rained on, so I ignored them to go dry off when I got home, but when I came out, it was to the most delightful family. They were so bubbly and welcoming and warm and just easy to be around. I weirdly felt as though I were the guest. [Elaine I think had forewarned them about me...Don't you love when you're the worrisome child?] 

While I was hiding in my room, I was looking at flight changes. Not encouraging. The prices for every single way out of here were unbelievably high. Then, I clicked on Tuesday. Tuesday, my friends, was fractional. Miracle miracle miracle and mercy. 

Cue explosive weeping. 

Then I went out and, like I said, bonded with the family. That, and danced about like a freaking fool. I don't think I've ever felt such a pure form of gratefulness and joy. 

While Sunday afternoon Christmas shopping:

 I knew I liked rugby...

Sunday night was "Carols and Candles." 

I was late. Very. ha. It was dark and cold and wet outside, and I wasn't doing so well on the self-persuasion that being on time was all that important. Besides, I was sitting next to a heater and enjoying a conversation and contextual beverage. 

Received call: 

"Ruth? Where are you?" 

"...home...I'm leaving now, though!" 

"No you aren't. Stay. I'll be there in two." 

Two minute later, a car containing Lauren, Lynsey, Lauren's Mark, and Kiera as driver. Thought for a moment they'd been on their way into town. Nope! They just all wanted to come along to fetch me. 

Candles and carols was lovely. Candlelit (duh...) with mulled juice and whole families and hymns and stories of struggle and grace. Jesus is very present in Belfast City Vineyard, let me tell you. 

Had to leave a bit early to make sure I was actually at my home when Naomi showed up, so I scampered out, only to receive a text within moments from Megan (last week's friend from after lifegroup) asking if I were okay. I hadn't even seen her at the service. Little things, my friends. 

Ran into the driveway as Naomi and Craig (the boyfriend? or boy friend?) pulled in. 

Despicable Me 2 was in store for us at her home, surrounded by her housemates Josh and Allen. I don't know if it was because I was seeing the world with rosy glasses or so encouraged by my unexpected liberty that I was silly and myself. Also, that movie is hilarious. 

Today was class: I finally figured out how to work the wifi network of Queen's (4 months later...), so I spent it phone out and taking creeper shots of my classmates to keep me awake. I've been time-zoning myself, so the sleep thing has been very off. 

Meet Eamonn! 

Paddy. (Eyes match that shirt)

Philip, Amy, and Emma. They did a really nice job of making this picture look staged.

 Amy and Johanna.

Tonight was the last lifegroup of the semester. I've never actually enjoyed small groups of any kind, but I can't imagine my life here without my NewComers' LifeGroup. It's the highlight of my every week.

Tonight, as our wee ice breaker, we were asked to reintroduce ourselves (everyone chimes your name back like an AA meeting) and tell about our most favorite anticipated Christmas gift.

Then it was my turn. My answer was home. I have spent the past three and a half months answering the question: "Are you going home for Christmas or what are you doing?" with an out of nowhere choked throat. My family drives me up the attic insane. But they're my family. And I've never wanted them more. This Christmas, I get the gift of going home and into the arms of people that truly and unconditionally love me.