disecting me.

i had a panic attack driving home from school today. it scared the crap out of me. uh...so today. well i lost my election. it sucks. quite a lot actually. you know the thing that frustrates me the most? i had an awesome speech, incredibly creative posters, and i wanted this so much. my opponent had none of those. none. but of course it's high school where everything depends on how popular you are. shit. i have seven ap classes next year now. and yes zac, i know that my insanity is my own choosing. i know. these classes are of my own choosing. mrs. camp tried today to figure out why i'm literally commiting suicide with them. she asked who am i trying to prove myself to? what am i trying to accomplish with this? my answer? i don't have a clue! i've been trying to figure that out for so long, and i honestly have no clue where my manic drive comes from. i don't deal with failure well. i think maybe if i accomplish all this i won't be a failure to myself at least. i don't know i'll fix this later so it doesn't sound so high school girl-ish and whiny.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=BX518lEPis8
avril rocks.