Lovely.

"Nothing is more practical than finding God,
That is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way,
What you are in love with,
What seizes your imagination,
Will affect everything.
It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning,
What you will do with your evenings,
How you will spend your weekends,
What you know,
What breaks your heart,
And what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in love,
Stay in love,
And it will decide everything." - Pedro Arrupe

the denaturation of life.

i'm finding more and more that things change. sometimes it's good change, sometimes it's bad change, sometimes it's just...different. Sometimes it's the hardest kind of change. The kind that you know is good for the other person, but you can't help but feel as though you've lost something. sometimes that change comes from within. like how i'm learning more and more that there is so much more to life than highschool drama and grades. sometimes it's just easier on our hearts to focus on our own little spectrums, because we know that when we look out, we won't like what we see. sometimes the change is external, like a marriage or a new baby. sometimes in relationships, only one person notices the change. like the effects of a marriage. it's quite interesting actually. i'm the only sibling left at home. my three older brothers are eigher moved out or married or both. i've always felt like my oldest brother, although i love him dearly, was more like an uncle. i mean really? he's fourteen years older. we never really had sibling fights or anything like that. the middle brother is mostly the same. i remember a time waaaay back when we played together, but then he kinda became an uncle figure too. my youngest brother was my worst enemy and my best friend. he was the character that made me sign contracts and enslaved me and played gi-joes and barbies in the christmas tree and make me sit under his djembe in the truck. i just felt like we could talk about anything and i kinda followed him like a puppy. it's interesting the way his marriage has effected our relationship. it's made him a better man. by a long run. and i love my sister in law dearly. but he came home to visit this week, and it was just...different. it's like when we started out with our little family it was a bubble. then one by one each brother left the bubble. and now i'm the only one left. they are just at this place of friendship and relationship that i cannot cross over to. this week has made this even more apparent. it's an irreversible change. it's the change that has made him what he is today, but it's also the change that ended the beauty of our silly sibling realtionship. i can't stand it. i just want them to go home. the more they stay here the more i am hit with this terrible newness. i think it's funny how i can be a normal human being around all my friends, but the second i get around my family or those i want to impress, i become a 7 year old whiny girl. it's interesting.

style clone

so here's something i find interesting. I dress like a bohemian kinda person. that's my style, and i think it works for me. however, as of recent times, the clothing industry of America decided to steal my style, mass produce it, and then mass market it as the new "in" thing to wear. so now, it is no longer my style, it is america's style reproduced back to me at a price i can't afford. this seems a bit silly to me.

just leave it alone

i'm finding in my life that i say yes to everything and everyone. i work very very hard to please everyone in my life, and i'm finding that although i love being busy, i get very irritable in this state. much of this comes out on my mother who has good intentions, but puts forth her "why aren't you doing this too" guilt trips in a very irritating manner that make me explode. why don't you volenteer more, why don't you spend more time with the family, i didn't hear you practice piano very long, why did you make that grade. all this to say that i am a busy bee. bees have stingers. as in. when you irritate them by telling them all the things that they should be doing more in their lives, they will sting you . : )

jon and zac

hello there.

my life is super busy. this past year i joined ballet, continued in piano, and debate, and nhs, and stuco, and french club, and national french honor society, joined 2 youth groups, work in the nursery, joined the bowling team, and the winter guard team. and i have learned that i do not posess the ability to say no. haha. but life is wonderful. i'm having new experiences and making friends with people i never would have expected. i also attend a catholic youth group now. it's quite incredible.

lately i've been reading a book, or rather just finished a book by rob bell called velvet elvis. it was an incredibly insightful read and i encourage all who have not read it to do so immediately. literally get in your car and go buy this book. it's the most refreshing take on christianity that i have ever come upon. his viewpoint and his enthusiasm make you remember what made you want to follow God in the first place. it's lovely.

alright well i've got to run to practice, but i promise that i will blog more often. : )

The Funniest Thing I Have Ever Seen.

Change.

Today will be my first sunday at my new church. It's odd, i've gone to Woodlake for almost seventeen years it's justreally weird to leave. I kinda feel like Abraham. God told him to follow him, without even telling him where he was leading him. Now, i did know where i was going location wise, but being a person who fears change i was afraid. The way i would be recieved at Asberry was totally unknown, but i was not afraid because i knew that God would provide for me. Knowing that i am following him has made this so much easier, no less weird, but easier. He's provided friends, securitiy, and a fantastic youth group. I think i'm pretty excited.