Pregnancy, Weight

Though it's called the miracle of birth, and we get so excited when we learn of a friend's pregnancy, there's something sinister about pregnancy.

For some women, like my mother, it actually has the potential to be kind of a miraculous experience. My mama and her birthing hips had a lovely time during pregnancy. 

For others, not so much. 

Currently, all of Siloam is pregnant it seems. 

I've got a whole theory about the role that essential oils is playing in this (they are not an alternative to birth control, friends), but nevertheless, cute pregnant bellies fill the streets here. 

A friend of mine (home birth types) just gave birth (in a hospital) after being more than 2 weeks late and after more than 48 hours of labor. 

Another friend has been ill every evening at 5pm since she first learned of the human in her belly. 

The wife of a professor friend--the one responsible for getting myself and Julius initiated and integrated with our church--has horrible pregnancies. Horrible. 

He is a compulsive coffee drinker. I remember as a student in his class during her last pregnancy that he made his coffee on the porch of his house because it would make her vomitous. 

During her last three pregnancies, she's been ill to the point of hospitalization. 

This one was awful as well. But with pregnancy, unlike other diseases and abnormal growths, there's a heightened layer of joy and anticipation to pair with the anxiety and nausea. At the end, you'll have a squirmy life. 

However, though she was an invalid for a couple of months, she found joy and comfort in the fact that through pregnancy acupuncture and other homeopathic remedies, she had been able to avoid the hospital and had finally made it back to church and most of her normal life. 

Today, we received a short email from our pastor--The family mourns the loss of their unborn child...pray for her as she'll have to go through delivery soon. 

I've heard mothers compare labor and delivery to a lot of things I can't unhear, like volcanic eruptions, dinosaurs escaping, being dipped in acid. 

None of those are comforting images. 

Again, though, they are mixed with this peace because it's worth it. It's worth it to finally be with this creature that you and your beloved have created together, procreated in the image of God. And it's beautiful. And it's valuable. And it's good. 

I've just got this image in my head, though, that I can't release myself from. 

We are not meant to grieve like those without hope. 

But finding hope in more than "We'll be together one day in Heaven" is surely impossible in the midst of excruciating pain that will leave to the inevitable delivery of death. 

Today is a reminder to be thankful for children, thankful for nieces and nephews, thankful for our own lives and the lives of the women who gave birth to us. 

Some miracles become people. Some, hidden miracles I suppose, are an opportunity to grow closer to Christ, as that is the only option, the only source of true reprieve when our hearts feel like they're being torn out. 

change. not the type that jingles.

today was my brother Jon's graduation. we had pictures of him when he was younger all over. there was this little basket of pictures i was looking through and there were a lot of the two of us together when we were really little. they were just the cutest things in the world and they made me get very mixed emotions. they made me remember happy memories and they also made my heart hurt. you see, this coming year marks a new phase in my life. i'm becomming an aunt in less than a month. i'm gaining a sister in june. the group of friends that i made this year are all moving away to college and such. and then in august probably the biggest change in my life thus far will occur. my brother is one of my best friends. i mean we fought and argued for the first well sixteen years of my life, but all the while i loved it. i love being playful and having fun with my brother. playing basketball, wrestling, watching him play hours of zelda, i loved it all, just being around him makes me happy. he used to drive me to school in teh mornings and he'd have me read a Psalm every morning, point out the sunrise. if i was ever grumpy riding to or from school that year, he'd make me sing "dr. worm" to make me smile. he always knows just how to be my friend, to love me, to annoy and anger me. in august, one of my best friends is leaving the country for a year. we'll still talk it's not like he's dying but it's just gonna be so weird not being able to see him every week or have that kind of closeness anymore.


i really don't have anything else to say.