I feared that I would be totally faulty at my job, totally unable to cope with the Big Move, and totally overwhelmed by the sheer responsibility and commitment of a full time job.
That last part may still give me some nightmares, but overall, I have a little wee comment.
My brother Chon told me, upon my most recent freak out in May, that the best way to cope with it is just to do it. I just have to do it. And the fact of the matter is that I might actually be inadequate at my job, have moments of sucking at this new/old culture, and overwhelmed, but I would be superhuman (or inhuman) if that were not true.
He also sent me a link to Paramore's song, "Ain't it Fun".
Chon was right.
With enormous things, sometimes the only choice you have is just to turn around and face it, even if you don't think you have much to face it with.
There's a chance that I wrote on this before (worth writing on again), but a few months ago, I was reading the Bible and re-read the section of the armour of God:
Ephesians 6:10-13:
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
And after you have done everything, to stand.
We align ourselves with Jesus, put what we've got on the line, and then we wait and we trust that if have followed where He led us, then He's going to show up and give power to our meager attempts at being sufficient.
We show up.
We turn and face our giants.
We adult.
And everything is okay.
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