For A Moment Like This

Just got off the phone with a parent, with whom I got to share the news that her daughter was admitted.

Now, normally, I get a dull, "Oh cool....".
Sometimes, I get "AHHHHH!!! AWESOME!"

But other times, I get to make calls like this one.
When a student is not, for one reason or another, able to meet our admissions standards, but their heart is set on us (and, let's be real, we're usually pretty bonded and set on them, too), we put them to an admissions committee.

There is paperwork, references, and a formal proposition by their loving admissions counselor (*ahem*) to a committee.

And sometimes, we get a yes.

Then, after months of testing and re-testing, homework and extra credit and tutors, prayer, tears, and anxiety, I have the great honor and privilege of ending it with one phone call, one yes.

How many times have we all been given a no when we so desperately needed a yes? How many times were we not given grace? How many times were we failed to be believed in? How many times have we thought to ourselves, "If they would just give me a chance!"

Calls like these leave us both in tears of thankfulness, tears of relief, tears from all the nos past and all the hope that comes with the present yes.

Calls like these make everything worth it.
All the "image" alterations, all the Arkansas, all the residual culture shock and missing my friends and feeling like I don't quite fit. All of that becomes worth it, and I remember, once again, that it is by the grace of God that I was brought here.

He is good.
All the time.

Something Old, Something New

Frequently, I think up a phrase or really good word or, I don't know, a whole paragraph's description of something and don't have a pen on me. Or paper. So, into my phone they go.

I try to delete it out of there once it's been used.

Today I found an email that I had kept for reference.
I liked it.
So I'll share it because it's encouraging, especially since lately I've been feeling a little lonely. It's amazing. I have friends all over the world but just not one in my state. Funny how our own words can encourage us more than other people's.

Last year in February, a professor of mine sent me an email asking several questions about how I am. It took me about a month to respond. And this is what I said:

"I have indeed found my rhythm. It turns out, we're all kinda lonely. And when you realize that, it's not so hard to find your boldness. I've deepened two of my four friendships from last semester and befriended three of my four coursemates. We hang out now, get coffee, make plans to have weekend getaways and horseback riding days. I can't tell you how many times (I could, actually. It's five) I've heard another person here say the phrase, 'I've found it really difficult to make friends here and am often alone' in the past month and a half. It's crazy how similar so many of us are without realizing it. And yet, we all assume we're the only ones.
I'm able to enjoy my classes more now, am doing less of the actual homework (wow, what? Prioritizing relationships over tasks? Me?!), am giving some serious thought to sending out a couple papers for publishing, and do a lot of baking. They love my baking and apparently, Americans are known for loving (and rocking at) baking. Who knew?!
The Lord is good. What I have experienced since being back could be described as nothing short of a supernatural miracle in teh social sphere. Could never have anticipated or even asked for hte level of grace and favor and love and even "like" I have been given. Wow.
In the past week, I've had three different people, whose last Jamie sighting was December, see me and kind of wig out about how different I look, how alive I look. One Irish lady shock me hard and told me about my exuding 'vim'. Haha. It was so cute. I blogged about it. And the thing is, I feel alive. I wasn't ready to come back. I was a little better, but I was still rocked to my core. Now, though, I could not feel more separated. There wasn't a sudden moment of change; it was gradual, but I am alive. Very. And very passionately. And very thankfully.
So that's my very long and probably very ungrammatical answer. I am well. Praise Jesus."

Culture shock, man. It really does take about half a year to start feeling at home, at peace, and get some gumption to go get 'em.
And when you forget that, it's easy to be discouraged.

I'm starting to finally feel settled enough to think again.
I'm reading, I'm forcing myself to journal a bit each night, the fog in my head is starting to clear up.

Even things at work seem to be getting better.

The reception I hosted in Texas last week was well attended, and the board of trustees seemed to have a really good time bonding with my wonderful, wonderful Texan students.

And, in a couple weeks, school counselors from all over the states will come to our school for an event, and over half are mine. There are even some new ones that have never come to our event before. I'm so excited.

Finally, I learned yesterday that a chunk of the Trifecta is coming back to me.
My six best friends are scattered across the globe. Just...so far away. Colorado, Oklahoma, Australia, Washington DC, Scotland, Northern Ireland.

And, after a job offer to her husband yesterday, my Caity Ruth is moving back to Tulsa. Still an Oklahoma away, but an hour and a half closer than where she is now, and that's where my family is located.

The past few years have been hard for us. It's just difficult to keep someone your best friend when, I mean, they aren't there in a literal way. You aren't doing life with them on the daily. I feel like I'm getting my best friend back. That is a really good feeling.

It's Not Easy Being Green

Though I would classify myself as a follower, conformity has never been something that's come easily to me.

My workplace has a definite herd mentality, though, and I've been working hard to maybe fit in a little more. 

One way I have been doing that is through participation in their health kicks. 

They are super about "cleanses". Generally, they are couple cleanses, and I have instructed Julius to notify Area 51 if I ever suggest doing such a thing. 

And yet. Here I am, doing a cleanse. 

I drank the Kool-Aid, folks, or, rather, the green smoothie. 

A lot of green smoothie. 

For three weeks (I'm on day one of week two), I have made myself a green smoothie. 

Let's be honest. 

The going is rough. 

Twice now, I have consumed with many many faces of pain, a smoothie containing an entire grapefruit and a base of spinach. Ain't nothin' could cover that. My insides felt like they were going to dissolve. 

Today's was better. It had a kale base with nearly a whole pineapple, cranberries, and a lime. 

The flavor was delicious. Texture? A whole different story. Imagine drinking a bush. 

On the whole, doing this has been a good practice in learning that conformity doesn't exactly mean brainwashing or losing your identity in deference for oneness. 

Sometimes, joining the herd is just part of gaining some common ground. It gives you something third party and objective to talk about, a shared practice/experience. 

Being your own person is cool and all, but it's kind of lonely sitting back and poking fun or shunning group activities like you're too cool. Being alone isn't cool at all. It's just lonely. 

Sure, you may want them to, you know, like you for you and stuff, but sometimes you have to take a step in their direction just to give them a bridge toward your island of self. 

When We Talk of Home

When you speak of home, what words come out?

When I speak of home, my home now, it is not with a whole lot of fondness. Because I'm smack dab in the middle of it. I take the same two streets, maybe three on an adventurous day, and that's just so...discouraging. Dull. Drab. Uck.

If I want to go out? I have two coffee shop options in Siloam (be prepared for all students). Or I have a coffee shop in Springdale. Woo.

Sometimes I just feel so damn stuck in this awful, awful hamster wheel life.

And then, I have a conversation with one of my students.
And, in telling them a bit of my own 17 year old heart, I fall back in love with my 23 year old life.

The message:

 "Eeeeek! I'm so excited Jamie. I called my best friends this morning [to tell them I made my college decision] and they're super excited too!...I think the thing that got me the most is when I was talking to [my future roommate (who, ironically is the sister of my own freshman year roommate)] last week and she said, 'JBU is home.' I don't think any other combination of words can describe my heart at this moment. Thanks for letting me freak out in pure excitement and joy on you!"

My response:

"I could not understand that feeling more.
I felt it too a long time ago. And now.
From the second I stepped onto campus, I knew it. When I was your age, I was unsure of a lot of things, but I was sure of JBU.
It's the reason why I came back from Europe.
JBU, Siloam Springs, is the place you want to build your bookshelves, the place you want to unpack your life for the long-haul.
And no matter where you go, no matter what you do after, it will always be your home." 

I meant it.
This is my home.
Here's to seeing your home through the eyes of another and re-learning how to love.

Life at 23

On my birthday last year, I wrote a post entitled, "The Makings Of"  and gave you a little insight to the tweetables of my last few years, with headings designed after the mix cd titles my best friend Caity made me.

The final year, (as I was counting by school semesters really instead of year to year, which I am now doing) was left inconclusive. So, here's what you've missed, and here's how I got to be where I am today, 23 years in.

Year 22 Fall Semester:
I Guess We Made It, or At Least We Made it this far. 22. 
First semester of my Master's degree was characterized by anxiety, waiting, depression, and the Lord.

-Moved to Belfast, Northern Ireland
-Traveled to Paris, France 
-Fall hard out of love 
-Began writing for a content developing company 
-Gained a second nephew, Samuel Jonathan 

My people: 
Noah Baslé
Leslie Lancaster (penpal)
Kristina Grimes Pugatch (cousin)
Trifecta and Kira/Abby (via text)
Anna (monthly skype friend)
Elaine (housemate)
David Tinsley (gardener)
Hadden Wilson (boss)
My mom

Nobody Likes You When You're 23

Ironically, that just wasn't true for this past January to December. 

No semester/year could have been more different than those first four months in Ireland. 

I'm happy, I'm healthy, I'm loved. 

-Made friends

-Second semester of Master's degree 

-Traveled to Prague, Czech Republic

-Traveled to Vienna, Austria

-Traveled to Scotland (and white water canoed into the Loch Ness. Epic) 

-Dyed my hair for the first time ever (dark brown/black) 

-Re-met and subsequently fell for Julius Walt

-Married off my best friend to her best friend 

-Moved to Arkansas into Glenwood Gables 

-Began working for John Brown University as an Admissions Counselor 

-Dyed my hair red 

-Finished writing Master's thesis 

-Traveled to Belfast to graduate from Master's thesis 

-Gained a goddaughter, Fiona

My people: 

-Eli Zuspan and Emily Orf 

-Amy Burnside (Belfast Bff)

-Naomi Deering (BBFF) 

-Lauren, Kiera, and Lynsey (BBFFs) 

-Jo, Amy Finlay, Emma (Master's mates) 

-Megan (BBFF)

-Leslie Lancaster

-Peter Myers

-Adam Howard

-Kristina Grimes Pugatch (cousin)

-Trifecta and Kira/Abby (via text)
-Anna (monthly skype friend)
-Elaine (housemate-belfast)
-David Tinsley (gardener)
-Hadden Wilson (boss)
-Sarah Cowles and Liz Chance (AR housemates)
-Madison Stewart
-Tracy Balzer, Kristi Neerman, Perri Blake (mentors)
-Julius Walt