David and the Golden Finch

The British don't say "You're welcome".

Unless of course they're greeting you as you enter their dinner party or church or unless they've just done you some unfathomably good deed.

In fact, to say "You're welcome" is nearly offensive, as it connotes to a Brit that you are nearly pompous, that what you've done for them is, actually, an unfathomably good deed.

I had a British friend explain to me that even if her mother had cooked an enormous, extravagant feast, she would still not say, "You're welcome".

So when they do say it (and it's not an arrogant fool of a person), you understand something deeper about the character of the person speaking. It shows, through pomp and circumstance of a small phrase, what they value, what's of pristine importance to them.

I have often spoken before of my man David in Belfast.

David the quiet.
David the humble.
David the steadfast and hardworking.
David the kind.

When David spoke to me or showed me something, he had my entire attention, such was the unobtrusiveness of the man. If he requested my focus, it was important.

One day, David was in the kitchen, which had big sweeping windows all along the side wall looking into the front garden, and called me in when he heard me close by.

"See them finches there in the tree there? Them's golden finches. Haven't seen 'em here for ten years near."

"Uh...oh? That's great."

And he told me about the finches. And then he was done telling me about the finches.

I was half out the door back to my books when I remembered to thank him (as one should always do when a non-share-er shares) for showing them to me.

From the kitchen, I heard a quiet, "welcome".
You could have pushed me over with a bird bone.

It was the first time I had ever heard David say that word.
And it was said over finches.

My next text was to my mother, who was equally nonplussed till I told her what he'd said after.

The finches are a big deal.
Nature and creatures and creation is of great value to my master gardener friend.

He notices the living world with acute detail and stores it up.
To be let in to what fills his heart most was a great honor.

I didn't know it was an honor and a privilege until his final word, though.

In an episode of "The Office", Andy Bernard says (in my recollection of the quote), "I wish there were a way to know you were in the golden years when you're in them".

There are moments when the opportunity for connection is right there and we don't realize it. Sometimes, if we jump fast enough, we can catch them. Other times, though, they fly away like finches.

It was a lesson to me to listen, not just to the words but to all the pieces of the context and the speaker I'd gathered before.
Listen with your whole self and mental history. Hear behind the words when your people speak to you. Hear their hearts and values and interests. Hear them.