One Last Day, But It's Not the Same

It's different, very different.
And I love that when I will get to say, "Last December in Belfast" it will not be followed with tears. It will be followed with joy.

David (you absolutely remember David, my sweet, wonderful houseman and groundskeeper)  had stopped by the house twice yesterday to see me, but I'd been away at uni all day.

8am it was! And my reserved, British friend kissed me right on the face. Ha!

I hate that the picture is blurry, but I do enjoy having him in photo form. David will never know or be able to understand the depth to which his practical mercy on me touched my life.
Like the time I came in to see a tulip on the counter and, when I thanked him on my way out the door (he was in the garden), he told me, "Musta been a nail or somethin' break it. Found it on the ground. Thought you could talk to it."

Or the time just after the team left, my boyfriend left, and my nephew entered the world (it was a big three days) and I was alone and sad, he came and found me and asked if I would like to put up the Christmas decorations. David does not ask anyone to do anything. He does things. You would understand if you knew David, but that was his way of taking care of, giving me something to do, something to feel a part of. David is a very good man.

Another very good man collected me for tea just after--Hadden. :)
He was my boss over in Belfast, coordinating JBU activities there. We talked over programme information and life stuff.
Getting back into his car after dropping me off (not even facing me), he said, "Let that young man of yours know that if he doesn't treat you right...I'll kill him". Then drove off.
And he's from Belfast, so you know he ain't lyin'.

Next came Amy and Matt.
We hung out at Lakeside, went to city centre, went out for lunch at a fun little pub, shopped a bit, roamed the Christmas market, took the party back home again, watched Everything is Illuminated, and just had a really good time.

When Amy left, Lauren appeared. :)

Last cuddles all around.

Home is a place you fight for. Home is a place that knows you, that you feel known in. Home is a place you feel wanted and loved. When I left for Oklahoma last December, Belfast was not my home. What a blessing, what a treasure, that it was when I stepped off the plane just one year later.

Lakeside, Belfast, my friends (and a lot of Starbucks goers) saw my soul stripped naked, saw me broken, and saw the Lord rise me up again.
And for that, for seeing, for staying, for speaking out truth, they became my home.

When It Rains, It Rains

When I woke up this morning, it was a beautiful, clear day.

Because I know my city, though, I packed an umbrella. 

And lucky I did, because the rest of the day poured, and it was beautiful and cold and sideways, just as I remember it. 

Started off the morning with coffee. 

Starbucks with my smallgroup leaders, Heather&Johnny and Heather's sister Lorna. 

Good conversation, a good catchup, and they gave me the sweetest ornament. :) 

Then it was time to begin the day's graduation activities. 

First came the pre-reception, where we snacked on mince meat pies (not actual meat. It's actually a very confusing taste bud experience, like when you drink sprite expecting water. Except here it's cinnamon-y fruit instead of meat) and cute little cups of wine. 

We sipped, supped, and met one another's families (more on that later). Mostly we all stood around trying to pin on our hoods. It was as confusing as the mincemeat. Is it meant to fold on the sides? how high? Matched with the open-front capes, there was just a whole, weird choking experience. But finally, we were mostly pinned and ready to head out. 

We found our seating assignment in the beautiful Sir William Whitla Hall (also was the location of my very first international student orientation meeting and introduction to Queen's) and parked it, an organist playing very dignified tunes while I, in my very American way, took pictures. 

Then, the ceremony began. 

It started with a video of the decorated faculty walking from the main hall into the Whitla hall...in the pouring rain...totally unphased. 

The British take pomp and circumstance to a whole new level, as speeches and bowing and capes and furred capes passed by me, waiting not patiently at all in my chair. 

Then, we were up! 

And they almost said my name right! It was a big step for them. Jehmee forever. The "Ruth" was dead on, though. 

Following the ceremony was the post-ceremony reception. They do not mess around with their receptions, I tell ya. Tea and sweets for all. Yummmmmmm. 

Everyone clustering to take pictures with their families. So.....I stole some old people. 

and I took a selfie with Eamonn: 

And a group shot that made its way into the Irish News: 

And one that didn't make it in. I love how delighted Eamonn looks: 

Some with Sonya (my Easter break travelling buddy): 

And lots with the beffer: 

Amy also made sure I was well looked-after and adopted. I spent the evening with her family--both at their home and to the delicious Barking Dog Eatery--before heading home around 11. 

It's the end of my Belfast chapter on Queen's, but we're not nearly halfway through with the book. 

There are years and pages to come, I'm sure. 

My Jet Lag a Leettle

Confession: I may or may not go to sleep at 8:30ish back home. Sometimes later. But 8:30 is preferable.

So, when I went to bed at 2:30am here, my body thought it was very normal.

I felt an alarm wasn't necessary to get em up and at em for my 11:30am coffee with some mates.
However, when Matt woke me up at 1pm to make sure I was still going to the movie, I was obviously proved wrong. Yikes. Won't be doing that again.

Made it only a half hour late to our film at the Queen's Film Theatre (second to last item on my Belfast Bucket List).

"Good Vibrations" only cost us 13p each, which was awesome, and the film was so so good.
A punk rock "godfather" from Belfast during the Troubles era. AND the screenplay was written by one of my favorite NI authors, Glenn Patterson, who wrote Number 5. Love him,

Then Boojum and books with Matt (and a tour of the library) then a very long, very wet wait for the bus (the visit wouldn't be the same without it).

Belfast: Where Umbrellas go to die

Lauren greeted me at Lakeside and whisked me away to pick up Kiera and have a girls' night.
The Christmas market for yummy dutch pancakes and nutella then off we went to dinner.
Then, to finish up my BBL, we went and saw the Big Fish (also the title of one of my favorite movies, I will add).

The frozen rain tried to immobilize us, and we may have gotten a wee bit lost on the way, but we found it! And danced and laughed and howled into the night before heading home and chatting till midnight.

a glowing "doll on the ball", the much mocked symbol of peace, placed between the two once very divided parts of the city

the beffers

umbrella: conquered 

We've also decided to make a covenant to see each other once at least once a decade.

Another good, long, wet day had. :) I love loving here.

My Jet Don't Lag

The planes over?
Best ever.

From Tulsa to Chicago it was clear skies and sunshine.
Arrived in the dark windy city 30 minutes early actually.

A short 4 hour layover then it was off to Dublin. Had a whole row to myself on the largest aircraft I've ever been on.
Arrived in the dark windy city a full hour early.

Got through passport security with ease and walked straight up to my bag. The whole thing took 5 minutes start to finish. Unreal.

Then:

She drove all the way from Belfast to lift me, wee pet, on almost no sleep. Gem, that girl is.

When we got into Belfast, we had a super search for parking, then got lunch/killed time before 2

At the cafe, though, I heard my name screamed and Lauren appeared out of nowhere. YES!

Ames and I turned in the hard copy of my thesis (hallelujah chorus) then picked up our regalia (hallelujah chorus) and graduation tickets (which I will give to two strangers and ask them to pose as family).

Then home to the "new me" and old friend at Lakeside (where Matt and I had to break back into because he had accidentally locked himself out. oops)

I had brought him Christmas from his family in Texas, so we opened his presents and chatted until my church mate Megan got here.

 

She took us for ice cream which turned into bonding all together until 2:30am.
Very long first day. Very best first day.

Overlooking Home

To get to my home in Tulsa, you take 71st west until it ends. Literally. No more 71st.

Actually, at the end, you take a left hand turn, but if you don't, you drive up this winding hill and land up at The Oaks country club.

I used to lifeguard up there.

Coming down the opposite description off a late night-shift, you can, for a few moments, see out all across Tulsa.

The blue lights from the Jones airport, the wee lights from "little Jenks," the brighter ones that line 71st and down past that as well.

Something about that sight--much like the sight of rain and stoplights on pavement--I find soothing.

A galaxy of my own. Accessible.

And I'm separated up there on my hill, in my car, but still connected and descending.

For me, judge as you will, it's a bit of a transcendent experience in its own simple way.

Spent "submission evening" with my friend Amy from Uni. We ate pizza, drank contextual beverages, and watched the office, periodically stopping to talk over Jesus and "right now."

The question of the evening was, "Do you feel like yourself right now?"

Yes. And also no.

I felt the most myself in February am the start of March.

Then the closer I've gotten to the end of my time here, the further along and more concrete my "future" became, I sort of started not feeling quite me.

I hear myself saying things I don't really mean and behaving oddly or out of character or inconsistently. And I think that's normal.

If I weren't being a bit odd, I think that would be indicate of a larger problem. It's good that I'm feeling the anxiety of this new and major transition: out of studenthood and into the workforce, out of one county into the next, the old. Shoot, even out of one state and into another.

It's a lot of change.

As she was pulling out of her housing area, I realized we were atop quite a sizeable hill. And from where we perched, set to descend, I could see the lights of Belfast.

I felt home. I felt, for just a strange wee second, calmed and ready and desirous to return and start over.

I'm nervous, at times very frightened, but this is going to be a good thing. God is good. All the time.

A Week in Review: Fun for Me and Fun for You

Lots of changes here at Lakeside.
I've got Americans all over the place.

As of last week, my cook had gotten deported, we didn't have food, and I was unsure as to when my three different sets of humans were to arrive.

Now, though, food arrived on my doorstep (Thanks, Tesco!), I was here to receive my people (all of them), and my cook and two supervisors are on their way up from Dublin, all legal and whatnot.

This past week was a blur of fun and activities.

MONDAY:
My MA coursemates and I got together for a wee dinner party before my house filled up. We didn't get any photos together, but fun was had by all.
Amy Finlay brought a delectable asparagus soup, Emma brought lasagna as I've never seen made before, Amy Burnside provided garlic bread and the contextual beverage of the evening, and I made homemade ice cream and chocolate sheet cake.

We wined, we dined, and we watched chick flicks as they submitted to my fiddling with bobby pins and their long locks.

It took 3 blondes (minus me) to get open that bottle. Way to go, Amy! 

Classroom friendships are one thing but actually getting out and bonding is another.

TUESDAY:
Not only were Lauren and I individually tired of being studious, but I also needed to practice some wedding hair tactics and have aid in eating the rest of my cake.

Therefore, she lifted me from the house and we went off in the rain for a cinema night. After the movie, we sat in her car for an hour or so just talking until the windows were fogged from our warm conversation meeting with the cool rain outside.

Back at home, we popped in another movie but didn't watch it. It just gave us some background noise while I worked some magic on her hair. Don't believe me?

WEDNESDAY:
I may or may not have mentioned this before, but the salsa portions in this country are nothing short of pathetic. Just pathetic. One jar is the equivalent to half a serving size in The States. Where I come from, we buy our salsa by the jug.

Naomi feels similarly. She grew up in Ecuador and her family is now in Spain, so salsa is something she knows and loves as well.

Therefore, Craig fetched me Wednesday over to Naomi's house, and we (Naomi) made homemade salsa and watched  Modern Family. Very chill evening, but we were all pretty exhausted. And, the wee gem, sent me home with some. I was a happy girl.

THURSDAY:
Thursday brought me Americans.

FRIDAY:
More Americans arrived, so I spent a good portion of my day chatting with them and making sure they were settled and comfortable.
Then, that night, I went out on the town with my girlies.

However, the Giro d'Italia was on (international bike race being held in NI this year), so Lynsey, Lauren, and I were trapped on the wrong side of the road from Kiera and our pub.

Eventually, we made it over and ate some lovely food before heading over to a pub for drinks and dancing.

I did leave early, unfortunately, but only because the buses were wacked out from the race, and I was nervous to get home. Not about to make that 6 mile night walk alone again. Made some lovely bus stop friends, though, as all bus stop friends are good friends.

SATURDAY:
I didn't originally have Saturday plans, but I wanted them.
So, on a whim, I texted my friend Amy to drop everything and bond with me.

She did.

Came over with pints of ice cream and we chatted over boys and Jesus for about five hours in the library, stopping only when we realized that it was nearly 3am.

I left that conversation liking Jesus a whole lot.
That sounds a bit daft, of course I love Jesus. But liking and loving aren't the same.

I was reminded just how great I think he is. I enjoy knowing him and being around him.

I was nudged into that sentiment by the way God demonstrated, by way of my conversation with Amy, the way that he makes pain practical.

Our experiences, while personally and intrinsically good, are not meant to affect us alone. No, all the rocks which smash into our souls create ripples and waves that effect all those around us, even when we don't realize it.

And the crazy times, the beautiful times, are when you're having a conversation with someone and can see an edge of the bigger picture, how your story and their stories intertwine with one another and speak into one another.

And when we are bold, when we are willing, we get the chance to actively participate in sharing with another what you see, where you've been, and what the Lord has done.

Let Us Now Forget One Another

I'm working on it, I am.

This whole, making friends outside the house thing.

It's a struggle for me, not like that's any surprise. There's a desire for connection and relationship, but that seems to be equally matched by intense resistance to "putting myself out there."

This past Monday, though, was a moderate step forward for me. About a week ago, I made nice with a classmate (one  of the five in my program) in the Special Collections room (the same day I got in trouble for sprawling on floor). That conversation was followed by middleschoolish note passing during class, orange eating under the table (also during class), and an invite to join the weekly group ritual of pre-class lunch (didn't even know they had been doing that).

Therefore, half assuming that they weren't going to actually show up, I arrived at Monday lunch. And you know what? They did.

Each of we five brought a contribution to the meal (mine was orange bread. Yum!). And we chatted and got on. It was actually very fun, and it made class dynamic feel like, well, like it actually had a dynamic.

The social doesn't end there. After poetry class (and my presentation which went quite well I will add), lunch, and modern Ireland class, two of my church friends lifted me from Queen's for dinner.

Over dinner, we caught up on everything we'd missed while I was away in The States over delicious food at Benedict's. A note on them: they've got this stellar deal for dinner where the time you order is the price you pay. So a £12 meal could potentially be gotten for a mere £5.30.

Afterward, we FINALLY got to go to Bible study. The whole group--by nature of it being the Newcomers Lifegroup--had changed over, so there were lots of new names to learn.

After a full 13 hours away from the house, I came home to my Kanukukers.

Things with them are still going well, but I'm beginning to feel the start of separations and, while still enjoying them in spurts, pulling away bit by bit so as to lessen the social "cold turkey" that'll happen in a mere 7 days when they leave.

I never intended to like them or to get attached to them. I can't express how wonderful it's been to have them here as a transition resource, though. They could never understand just where I was and just how much of a blessing their just liking me has been.

With their leaving, the old fear of forgettableness is coming back up.
They will leave.
I will stay.
They will continue to build relationships with one another and live in community.
I will not.
The journeys divide.

I've had thoughts on that particular note of fear over the course of the past few months, and if I'm sincere in them, then this will be okay.

I've always worked so hard to make myself unforgettable, so that people don't want to let me go. But life isn't about me.

All of creation is oriented around the glorification of Jesus Christ.

I'm not meant to be remembered. The pieces of my own fabricated persona are probably pretty revolting in the eyes of God and not worth being remembered.

So if I'm to be remembered by anyone at all, I would hope that they would forget everything about me save that which is of my God.