Yes, that was my mystery skype date while I was in Dublin that had me running all up and down the streets on my quest for Wifi.
Though I am simultaneously preparing to continue on with my plans to go to Denver Seminary (ie filling out a scholarship application, finding housing with Haley), my heart is with this job.
Interview one happened last week.
While prepping with my friend London and answering questions I thought might be asked, we came across two subjects that I should probably avoid: glitter and dancing.
What did I almost instantly bring up in my interview?
Glitter and dancing.
I have no recollection at all as to how I brought glitter into the conversation...twice...but I do know I told them that I handle stress by spontaneously breaking out into dance and silently serenading strangers. Which is true! But what?
At the same time, I felt good about the interview. I was very much myself, so they got a very clear image of who they would be getting if they chose to keep me.
Turns out, they liked me! Glitter and all, and I advanced to round two: today.
Please keep in mind all of these are via Skype. ha...
Today's interview I think went very similarly to the last. Prayer and some dancing (an interpretive rendition of Eye of the Tiger) to get the nerves out, then I presented myself.
I say the most bizarre things when under pressure. They're very me to say, but never in real life would they even pop into my mind as the answers.
Such as:
"What do you not like doing?" "Wedding showers, wearing high heels around short people, and running. I mostly curse when I run." "What would you do first if hired for this position." "Look for a roommate, buy business casual clothing, and start researching." "Do you have any other questions for us?" "You know, I really don't. I spend a good deal of my free time trolling your web page. Better than Pinterest...sometimes."
Oh man. Take me or leave me.
The one question I legitimately had a hard time answering was this:
"What originally drew you to apply for this position?"
Yikes.
My answer is ready but not interview-ok.
Also, my reasons now are not the same reasons as the original.
They're better.
They are Spirit led and family oriented and student ministry focused, but they are not the same.
I gave them the new and not the old.
But in a way, the old is just as beautiful, despite the outcome.
It's beautiful because it demonstrates just how dynamically the Lord had started to shift my heart.
Remember task-oriented plan-obsessed Jamie from senior year of college? The one whose 5 year plan ended with her in 3 different states, two continents, and two Master's degrees before she was 25?
I'll tell you a secret.
Those plans weren't spirit-filled at all. They were made out of fear. They were made because I couldn't handle the idea of not knowing where I was going, and I was terrified of landing aimless in Tulsa after my European adventure.
I consulted God, but it wasn't about God.
And the thing was, I made these plans, these super life-altering plans when I had a pretty serious significant other in my life. A significant other whose opinion I did not consult on the matter at all.
The decision to apply for this position came the day I realized that I wanted to marry him more than I wanted to marry my plans.
That...wow. A God who can rock this non-romantic, die-before-changing-her-plans girl's heart to that degree must be truly something else.
See beyond the "girl who changes all her plans for a boy" part because I am not that girl.
I'm the snotty, self-dependent girl who God revealed what love looks like to.
Love is not self-seeking. It trusts. It perseveres. It encourages. It is full of faith. It acts out of faith.
Love does.
Love is wild and it does wild things sometimes that go against every shred of logic in our minds.
That is what love should look like: founded on truth and good things but manifested in the willingness to risk everything.
That's what I had been missing, both in my relationship and my relationship with God.
I had not been willing to risk everything.
I had chosen what was safe to offer and hoarded and planned-out the rest.
No, I am not going to marry that boy, but that's just not the point.
In December, when everything seemed to fly apart for me, it was quite the opposite: Everything flew together.
I fell desperately in love with Jesus like I just hadn't before. I thought I knew what love was for him. I even thought to a certain degree that I had given him my plans.
Jamie, letting someone have input in your plans is not the same as handing them over.
Applying for this job is me obeying Jesus and following directly against what would be the "safe" route for me, even though that second option seems like the more risky one to everybody else.
Applying for this job is me saying to Jesus, "Despite where it would take me, despite other people's opinions and desires for my life, despite the fact that this does not make sense to me in so many ways, I will follow you. I want to be with you more than I want to be with my plans."
And when I was obedient and continued to push through with my application process even after the break-up, God was faithful to reveal to me just how badly I do want this and how well it would suit my heart and strengths.
At this stage, the result doesn't even matter so much as the act of stepping out in faith. I may get this job, and I may not. The end is not the point. If I'm following Jesus, he's not going to stick me through the wrong door. The point is that I'm listening, expecting nothing, and am willing to risk everything.
"What originally drew you to apply for this position?"
Love.
What kept me in the runnings?
Love.
I guess my answer hasn't changed so much, after all.
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