The LORD has taught me more about myself this past week than I would like to admit. Honestly, I was so worn out from last semester that complacency was the most beautiful thing I could think of.
But that’s not what God’s about.
There is a difference between complacency and rest. Complacency leads to destruction. Be complacent and you will lack in every area that God wants to bless you in. It will lead to destruction of fragile, beautiful gifts. Resting in God’s care is different. As you rest you learn more about His character. As you rest you experience a different side of God. As you rest you begin to understand what it’s like to be held. I am a very strong woman. Ask anyone to describe me and guaranteed something along the lines of “strong-willed” will come out. I want things my way and I am always right. Wrong. A wonderful speaker named Jill something or other came to speak at JBU. Her question was….”Where did you lose it?” At the time I didn’t really hear her words for myself. But now I do.
I lost it in December. I was afraid. I was pushed outside of my comfort zone and I was consumed by terror. So I ran. I made myself an island. But no man is an island.
God forced my path to be redirected this past weekend. And it was awful. In my own tearful words to my mother “Good doesn’t feel good.” I knew what was happening wasgood. and right. and wise. But it didn’t change that it hurt.
But our God is a God of restoration. He will make right the wake of destruction that we leave.
This morning, my focus changed. I am not my own. I never want to be again. I never was. I am no slave. I am free. The Lord is my hope. He is greater than any lie written on my heart. He is gracious. He is strong. He is wise. He is worthy. My mouth is filled with laughter and my tongue with shouts of praise and I know that I know that His plans for me are more mindblowing than anything I can convieve and His timing is perfect. Even if I mess with it. I am His.
I don’t know the future.
Nevermore will I claim to.
I am not an island.
I will never try to be again.
I will follow.
Patiently.
I will listen.
Carefully.
Because.
I am wrong.
Every time.
God is faithful.
And worthy of my time. my affection. my passion. my trust. and my heart.
I choose life.
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