Lately I’ve been doing a lot of introspection about the idea of success.
How does what I verbalize as my definition of success compare to the definition of success that my daily living gives?
Because the two are different.
On the one hand, I give success as following Jesus wholeheartedly, throwing people’s opinions to the wind, and loving others well.
On the other, I find myself constantly careening toward some high end goal that, really, I don’t even know what it is. I make “career moves.” I choose the “right friends.” I time manage, write the best papers, dress well, make a good name for myself. For what purpose?
What are my real intentions?
Because I want to “succeed.” Because I feel as though I would be better if I were more like the person that I am striving to be.
What this says about me is that I find myself lacking. The thing is, when you’re in that place, that sweet spot of “right,” you won’t be lacking at all. It’s when you try to jam yourself into the persona of something else that “you just don’t fit in.” It’s not that they won’t accept you or that you don’t fit in. It’s that you’re meant to fit best somewhere else. And something about your personal definition (or at least mine) won’t allow me to let myself fit.
Because maybe I won’t be associated with the “popular” or “most spiritual” people on campus. Or maybe because I won’t end up doing something that will make me well-known or something super spiritual. But what I’m finding more and more is that some of the most spiritual experiences come through some of the least obvious spiritual places. Because that’s just how cool God is.
Recognition is responsibility. Recognizing that I am not fitting because I am not meant to means that I have the responsibility to follow my real position.
and fully grasp and recognize that
I am enough for me.
And I accept who I am and what I am here to do and who I am here to do it with.
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